TOP TEN FASHION ERRORS

10. THE OVER THE TOP "SCI-FI" LOOK:

Okay, I get it, but seriously, no. No one needs clear plastic sunglasses that have clear lenses. It completely ruins the entire point of sunglasses! You need there to be some sort of darkish colored lens, otherwise they don't do their job, and you're left looking like you swiped goggles from first period chemistry lab. And the goggles were always so tight that they would cause instant migraines, which of course is why you did so bad in chemistry; and then you would have to go to your next class with deep indentations circled from above your eyebrows down to your cheeks. Not something I want to re-live, thanks.

And why would anyone want to look like 3CPO, really?

9. BIG TOPS WITH SKINNY PANTS/LEGGINGS:

This has been done.

I know that History repeats itself (and apparently fashion does too), but you would assume that we would have learned our lessons from the past and not repeat such terrible fashion choices.

But then again... wars happen again and again for the same stupid reasons, people start a relationship with cheaters and then are surprised when the person cheats on them, and overall it seems no one actually learns from their past. (too bad, because then maybe some things would actually get done in the world.)

The 80's came and brought bad fashion choices to the world. And it was proven then, that the big baggy top, skinny pant/legging does not look good/work on almost all women. Most women do not have stick legs, and for them this look makes them look preggers/lazy/both.

8. PEOPLE WITH BAGS WITH FAUX BRAND LOGOS (SPECIALLY THE OBVIOUS ONES):

This one always makes me laugh.

I use to work at the busiest restaurant in the richest, snootiest mall in New Jersey. Most of our clientele, (although the rudest people I've met in my entire life), could afford the "real deal" bags; Gucci, Fendi, Louis Vuitton, Coach, etc. Frequently I saw baby carriers and diaper bags covered in the logos, but that's another story... What I also saw were plenty of women who would come in with fake bags. Fake Coach bags with G's instead of C's, cheap nylon "Prada" bags that say "Panda" (not a joke), and the best/worst of them all: Louis Vuitton bags that have eyeballs instead of the typical symbols that come on the genuine bags. EYEBALLS! I'm sure all of the LV staff was rolling on the ground with laughter seeing teenagers walk into their store with LV EYEBALL bags, (that's as if anyone in the LV store would actually show emotion).

Please, please people. If you can't afford the real thing, I sympathize with you; but isn't it better to buy a real bag by a designer you can afford than to waste your cash on an obvious fake?

7. ROMPERS:

i.e. Onesies are for Babies, not grown women

I hope that I do not have to explain myself too much on this one. I think the pictures I included have helped me say almost everything. But in case you think that this is a look you might consider purchasing remember this; these are skinny, leggy, pin-thin models and they look paunchy, short-waisted and possessing some sort of gut (at least on the one with the belt). If they cannot pull this look off, you def. cannot.

For another example, here is LiLo attempting to look cool in a romper, although this is thwarted fully by the fact that it looks like she's wearing a very shiny, very full diaper.

6. SHORTS WORN TO FORMAL OCCASIONS/AT NIGHT IN THE FREEZING COLD:

What? Why?

Working in NYC/having a social life I tend to see some strange fashion choices that are worn in the wrong season. And I know that every other fashion blog in the bloggosphere has touched on this atrocity of fashion, but still. Maybe I'm jealous because I would never bring my thighs as a date on the red carpet, maybe I'm just highly disturbed by the fact that these people actually looked at the shorts and said to themselves, "Yes, this is EXACTLY what I should wear tonight to a formal event in 20F weather!"

And besides, I think this is what lead to their divorce:


5. CROCS:

Crocs are some of the worst footwear to come out in our time. I remember having Jelly shoes when I was a kid and thinking that those were the shit (give me a break, I was 5). And then last year I was in Funk & Standard and they had yellow (gold) sparkly jellies for $1, so I bought them. I mean, I blew a buck, who cares, right?

But Crocs are not even close to being Jellies. First off, when Jellies came out they were different and new, and most likely considered "shoes of the future". They were new then, but are done now. (I don't care how many designers made jelly shoes in their collections, no.)

Crocs have existed. They're called gardening clogs and L.L. Bean has sold them since the were only l.l. bean. They were almost cute then in their bright taxi-cab yellow, but still, just no.

Crocs are ugly, make your feet sweat(and then stink), and are some of the ugliest, clunky, and plasticy shoes out there. And as if they were not bad enough you can buy all sort of accessory pins to pierce your Crocs and make them even tackier.

They do not look good on anyone, anywhere, for any occasion.

Not even gardening.

4. LEGGINGS AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR PANTS:

Leggings are comfortable.

But.

Leggings are unflattering. While I still am against wearing them (personally) under a dress or skirt because I think they make my legs stubby, I am very disturbed by seeing people actually wear leggings instead of proper pants/jeans/shorts/something else for God's sake.

example one:

Seriously, you may have the loveliest cooter box in the world and I still do not wish to see it that up close and personal. Leggings outline everything that's going on with your business, and even if I'm not trying to look, I see.

example two:

(no, no, no.)

And even Celebrities cannot wear it. And they have paid "stylists" that drag clothes onto their drunken bodies in the morning.

example three:

Please remember to put your pants on before leaving the house.

3. HIGH-WAISTED WIDE-LEG PANTS:

Nothing with that many dashes needed to describe it can be a good thing.

Once again, bad fashion choices come and rear their ugly head. Listen people, why can't we learn from those who come before us? High-waisted pants make even the thinnest women look like they have guts. Or really, they look like they have "gunts". (Please, use your imagination; I once had to explain to my mother what "gunt" meant, and I'm not about to explain it to anyone else again.)

Observe:
This is Jessica Simpson. Regardless of what anyone may say about her, I think she's very pretty.

In this picture..... not so much.

There is a lot going on with her... lower area, and I'm not entirely sure what it is. Pockets? Pleats?

It looks like the 70's threw up on her and she figured, "oh, what the hell, I'll go out anyway, it's not like anyone will actually be there."

She forgot people take pictures of her.

But what's her excuse? She's actually performing.... she knew that there would be people staring at her.

2. IS IT A DRESS OR IS IT A SHIRT?:

There are myriads of stores filled with hundreds and thousands of these shirt/dresses, (not to be confused with a shirt-dress, that's something totally different), and likewise, there are hundreds and thousands of women actually wearing these awkwardly lengthed items.

I have been in Forever 21 (who are notorious for these), Express, H&M, etc. and been accosted by adorably printed top/dresses, and therefore been incredibly disappointed almost every time I've shopped recently.

Because something that seems too long to be a shirt, but yet is too short to be a dress will be bought by fashion-challenged women and worn incorrectly. (What would the correct way be?)

Some people try to pair it with pants, and then that just make you look stubby, because the top does not fit correctly, and if you have hips, the shirt will tend to hike up on them and thus, appear messy.

Some people try to wear them as a dress....

This is also a bad idea.

Example 1:

Terrible. I hope she didn't drop anything that night. Or raise her arms up. Or did anything that required her moving in case that she flashed her cooter box to the world.


I was getting sushi the other night and I saw a pantsless girl go racing from one hibachi section to another to get soy sauce. At first I thought "dear lord, someone stole that woman's pants!". But then I realized she made a fatal mistake; a longish shirt does not equal a dress, and therefore you are sharing your naughty bits with everyone.

.... but maybe that was the look you were going for.

1. WOMEN DRESSING FOR TRENDS AND NOT FOR WHAT LOOKS GOOD ON THEM:

Okay, so maybe it's cheesy, maybe it's obvious, but so many women dress for trends and NOT what looks best on their body.


While Miss Kate's purses tend to be boxy, there is no reason for her to appear as an inverted ice cream cone. The volume on volume is not a good look for anyone; the little or the big.

I completely love the tent-sack-volume dress look, I look like I am poorly attempting to hide a pregnancy. And while the "is-she-or-isn't-she" look is indeed trendy, it only works well on women who are skinny with legs for days, so that you would never assume they are preggers, just for the sheer fact that the rest of them is so slim.

This works for the thin women of the world:

This works v.v. well for Miss Cameron. With her boyish build and long lean legs, the higher-necked, snug fit mini dress is extremely flattering.

But just because you're thin does not mean you should drown yourself in clothes:

How did someone who normally looks slim and lovely manage to look like she's attempting to hide a beer gut?

My figure is that of Venus de Milo or Marylin Monroe; curvy, but never called slim. So, I try to accentuate my figure; belts on my natural waist, wrap dresses, anything to showcase my decolletage, no skirts above the knee. It works, it's flattering, and it's timeless.

This is a good look for curvy women:

Miss America here (that's her name, not her title), looks fantastic. The dress compliments her curves, and she does not look like she is drowning in fabric, nor does she look like a stuffed sausage.




Oh Kelly... no honey.... just, no.

Miss Kelly appears to have been stuffed into her pants, as well as her strangely tucked shirt. Is that a body-suit?? Please, please tell me that its NOT a body-suit!!

And I think it's good that she's not a twig, and that she has a womanly body, but not when she lets herself look like this....

Now I'd like to say that Miss Pat Field is an untouchable genius when it comes to costume styling....

But not when it comes to dressing herself.

I don't like this outfit, but I could had accepted it for Miss Pat Field... if it actually fit her well.

Instead she ends up looking like a space-dyed sausage...which would not be a good look for anyone, including actual sausage.

Now, Miss Katherine... she looks devine... while I would never call her "big", she is also not a twig, and she has wonderful curves...

And she dresses them (or, at least her stylist does), oh so v.v. well.

So Ladies, don't be a slave to trends; dress your body the way it deserves to be dressed: FABULOUSLY.