Simply Vile

This Sunday was the opening day of the new Vera Wang line for Kohl's. As much as I am not a fan of Kohl's, I was compelled to rush over to see what "Simply Vera" goodies I could find. My mind was so drawn to the designer name, and assuming it was similar to the "Go International" line for Target, I felt that I would find a few fab pieces.


But as we all remember that little chestnut; to assume makes and ass out of u and me.



(On another note- All the sizes run HUGE. I went down one size to an 8 & a M, and everything swam on me. I needed a 6 & a S, which almost never happens.)



I first went over to where the accessories section. While Kohl's bags typically appear cheaply made, they normally have an inexpensive price tag to accompany it. The Vera bags had the cheap material, but not the price.
This clutch looks richer in the picture than in person. Up close, it's a shiny cheap mess. It's "faux patent leather". sad. And, it's $59.
Or, for ten bucks more, you can get an even cheaper looking "faux patent leather" frame bag. Its puffy handle, and cheap plastic closure make this purse look even cheaper than the clutch.

This dress... Would you really want to pay $128 for a long shapeless sack of polyester and spandex? It looks so cheap up close it made my skin crawl.
This dress is $138... Looks sweet and simple and unassuming online, but in the store it looks like a cheap nylon dress that someone hastily stitched little crystals on so that some woman would wander over going "oooo.... shiny..."
I tried this skirt on- it was horrifying. I felt that I had swaddled some brocade curtains around my legs, total Gone with the Wind style.... It was enormous, and fell at mid-calf, which is an eternally unflattering length for every woman. Not only was it too expensive at $98, I would have had to alter it myself or send it to a tailor to shorten it.
For $48 you get to swath yourself in more polyester! It comes complete with a polyester/spandex belt. Which honestly looks like you grabbed an elastic PJ pant lining and wrapped it around your waist. Not a good look.
So, at this point you can see the trend... Vera likes this faux-ruched bodice that is held together with a spandex tie. It's still polyester, just longer... and no better, at $88.

It's like the purple polyester shirt and the black and blue polyester dress had a baby! (Is it bad that I originally type "Polyester shit" instead of shirt... Freudian slip I guess.)
I tried this on... and I did contemplate buying it for a brief moment... it was one of the view items that was made of cotton. (No Polyester!!)... it looked okay when it was tucked into a skirt... loose and the skinniest woman would look preggers. But for $54 bucks... I asked myself, "If this wasn't Vera for Kohl's, and was just some random Kohl's brand, would I pay $54 for it." Oh, that's right. No.
This was the best item she created... at $48, a decent cardi price, it was the only thing that actually seemed worth it. But then I remembered, I can get virtually the same thing at Zara for twenty bucks.
I loved the color of this top- it's completely Violet from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (which is a good color, just not an overall good look- no one wants to resemble an overstuffed blueberry). Which sadly, you basically end up looking like, in this $58 polyester ruffled baggy nightmare.
More Polyester... its a shame, you know? Just because something is less expensive doesn't mean it has to be made out of polyester.... And just because it's sold at Kohl's doesn't mean it needs to look like only middle-aged housewives who wish they worked in a corporate environment would buy it.